23 Days — A Painful Mile Marker

It’s been 23 days since my beautiful wife passed. That’s the longest amount of time I’ve ever gone without seeing my sweet girl, without kissing her good morning, without kissing her goodnight, without holding her hand under the covers as we went to sleep. Each day beyond this will be a new “longest time”, but…

UP

This is my first attempt at writing in a couple of months so please forgive the rusty prose. I’m trying to find my muse and it’s harder these days. She’s still around but not at my beck and call as she once was. I have no doubt the last-ditch effort with immunotherapy sped her decline.…

Waiting for the End — A Long, Slow Fall

When the diagnosis first comes it’s a shock. Like an unseen punch to the face that leaves your head feeling waterlogged and spinning, at least there’s hope to reach for. Not unlike a fall while rock climbing, the thin crevices and fissures that seemed too narrow to be viable suddenly seem like solid outposts of…

The Anniversary—Hearts Too Full

Every day is the anniversary of something. Not all of them have a pointed, clear memory pushing to the surface, reminding you why it’s an anniversary. But each year you age, the calendar becomes more and more a mine field of special anniversarys. December 6th is a special one for me…it’s the anniversary of the…

One Thing Done Right

There’s a lot in life we can look back at and be proud of (and ashamed of). We all have our talents, gifts, lucky moments. My life has been filled with excitement and an almost constant hunt for new experiences, so I have a fairly large mental photo album of interesting images, and film clips…

My World, Shrinking

I was never the soft one. I had the harsh edges and the strong opinions. A bit on the Asperger’s scale, what’s in front of my face is the most important thing in the world at the moment, and sometimes it’s hard for people like me to think about consequences. It’s haunted me my entire…

The Rogue Tear

I’ve seen the phenomena before without realizing what it was. It never occurred to me that I could dig past the obvious and find a hidden well of emotion–or, perhaps it did and I just avoided doing it. A lone tear sliding down someone’s cheek can be written off as so many things, particularly when…

Killing It

  Gretel walked to the edge of the course and squinted down range, holding her hand above her knockoff, Ferragamo sunglasses to see past the noonday glare. “I can’t even see the target,” she said without turning as a gentle breeze lifted the golden curls from her shoulder. She closed her eyes and delighted in…

Rare

rare: rer/ adjective (of an event, situation, or condition) not occurring very often. As far as the English language goes, it’s a simple word. Four letters, one syllable–an innocuous word when not applied to a noun. But, throw a noun into the mix and you have something either really good or really bad. Example: Rare…

Taken For Granted

How do we focus on taking care of ourselves when there are so many temptations in the world ready to help us do the opposite? Uhg. Life is precious. Each moment is a bright and shining gift that should be treasured, yada, yada, yada. We’ve all heard it before and it obviously hasn’t moved us.…

You

You are by far the most important thing in my life…you have been from the beginning. Even before I knew you, I was searching for you, making you the center of my existence long before I ever saw your face. You are my greatest journey. You accepted me from the beginning as I was, showing…

Stop Crying

What do you do when the only person you’ve ever been able to fully express your emotions with, can’t be there anymore. Stop Crying. When you spend your whole life adjusting your personality to filter your emotions, it must be a special person who succeeds in unprogramming that trait. A harsh father, years of military…