Dear NSA, please don’t judge me by my Google searches

Dear NSA,

Wow. I can only imagine what someone would piece together about me based on my Google searches.

-How do I transport large sums of money without leaving a trail
-How to transport nuclear warheads safely
-Modifying Igla shoulder fired missiles
-Russian mob controlled brothels in Europe
-Chemical compounds that can start a fire but leave no trace
-Fastest acting anesthetic
-Compounds not tested for in standard tox screening
-How much force is required to snap the human neck
-SOP Tactical equipment for JSOC field operations
-Crossing from Saudi Arabia to Yemen without a passport
-Buying coffee in bulk

silhouette-68836_1280To be honest, I’d have to wonder what I was planning as well (if I didn’t know any better). The author of crime and espionage thrillers is going to have a lot of dodgy subjects in his or her search history in addition to the usual porn searches and stalking of old school mates. And it’s disturbing knowing that information is sitting there, waiting for some NSA analyst to peruse with a judgmental eye. But I promise, aside from the coffee, porn and stalking schoolmates, none of it is amassed with nefarious intentions…rebellious, treasonous or otherwise (other than in the world of my characters.)

After seven published works of espionage and crime (wow! seven! has it been that long since I started?) I know I’ve amassed quite an interesting and probably a disturbing search history. But I swear I am not a super villain in the making. The fact that I don’t even use secure proxies to do my searches should show I’m no super criminal…I’d do more to hide them if I were.

staircase-828601_1280But if you’re worried, you can go back and read my books (available in print and Kindle, free with Kindle Unlimited). In fact, please feel free to purchase as many copies as you like and pass them around the office. I’m sure the NSA has discretionary funds for things like that. My bestseller ranking can always use a little padding.

I know it may be presumptuous of me to address NSA collection and analysis of my Google time, but really, can you blame me? There comes a time in every spy writer’s career when the helicopters flying overhead stop looking like coincidence and the bandwidth ghosting on our devices becomes too much of a annoyance to ignore…paranoia will slip in and lead the mind. It’s what we do. Our brains are wired that way.

I know there’s very little I can do to put your mind at ease…unless… Hey! would you like to stop by and have a cup of coffee? I can discuss my novels and story ideas with you. You might even give me some insights I hadn’t considered before–strictly non classified, of course. Have your people call my people (meaning send me an e-mail…you know the address. 😉

I look forward to our conversation and hope I can alleviate your concerns about my search history. If you’re interested, I can even let you have a sneak peek at what I’m working on right now. Oh…wait. You’ve probably already done that too. I hope you aren’t judging me on my first drafts either.

I’ll be anxiously awaiting your e-mail.

Very best regards

S.L. Shelton
Author of the Scott Wolfe Thriller Series

If you liked this post, then please like this post 🙂  S.L. Shelton is the author of an Amazon Bestselling Political Thriller Action Espionage Series, (The Scott Wolfe Series). Follow him here on WordPress, on Twitter @SLSheltonAuthor or Facebook. He will love you for it. And if you like the posts, click like (likes, follows and reviews are the best way to get authors to write more.)


2 thoughts on “Dear NSA, please don’t judge me by my Google searches

  1. Heh. In a conversation when I brought up my discomfort with NSA data mining, someone asked me if there was something in my Google searches I didn’t want anyone to see, heh heh heh. I replied that since last night’s searches involved how child pornography was distributed online and how to trigger a Claymore mine, then yeah, I was a little worried. The questioner slowly began to sidle away.

    Liked by 1 person

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